Welcome to your favorite story telling channel -tales by phone-light 😂 😂.
Today is about hip-hop and others. What were you thinking? Hip-hop as in genre of music? Hehehehe. So, you don’t know that hip-hop now has a lot of meanings? Could mean music just like cucumber is a fruit. 😂 😂.
You’re lost, I know. I know the look on someone’s face when he’s lost.
Apparently, I’m becoming an old-school. I graduated from Uni 5 years ago and I can’t believe I don’t know what’s going on in my immediate environs any longer.
I went to meet Alvin to make my hair immediately after work today. He had almost finished installing my hair when this girl (about 18 years old) came in with guy who’s obviously a yaba boy. Why are you asking me how I know he’s a yaba boy? When you know, you know. 😂
Both had their hands locked in the other’s. Then she asked Alvin for the ‘stuff’. Alvin gives her and the yaba boy pays him some money I didn’t know the amount. It was after they had left that Alvin started advertising his wares to me. He told me what the girl came to buy was hip-hop (atleast that was I thought he said). It was when he stated the function of hip-hop that my ‘inner eyes ‘ opened. Let me quickly run you through his services.
1. Hip-hop – A drug that can help you grow hips. Goes for 3k. You use it for a week then you see the effects. Almost immediately. Alvin says it’ll look like Nicki Minaj’s own. How true that is, I can’t say. Obviously, it’s not hip-hop. It’s hip-up.
The hip-hop I know
The hip-hop Alvin is talmbout 😂
2. Breast pumping (enlargement) – He showed me one machine that can- in his words – ‘make your breast touch Okada man’s back ‘ when you’re riding a bike 🚲. It looked like a machine that pumps air into football. I’m not sure what it pumps into people’s breasts though. Goes for #35k.
3. Chewing gum – At this point, I’m going to sigh deeply. O su mi mehn.
This is the chewing gum I’m used to. Okay, I’m not saying the entire truth. Orbit is N250 so I can’t be used to it because my friends and colleagues won’t buy theirs but will beg from me until it finishes. I’m used to Banana chewing gum (the one that has questions on the wrapper) and sprint. 😂. If you don’t know those two, just give me your lunch money for a week.
I don’t have a picture of the chewing gum Alvin is talking about but apparently, Alvin’s chewing gum is an aphrodisiac. When you (as a girl) chew it and have sex with your significant other, he’ll “never leave your side forever and ever”. This one is for #1k.
First of, do people have any idea of what they’re ingesting for these purposes? You pop in pills as cheap as 3k and you expect zero side effects in future? For what exactly?
Secondly and most importantly, love yourself! Love yourself. It can’t be overemphasized. Who are you doing this radarada hip up for that your life doesn’t matter to you? Ehn?
Anyone that makes you dim your light or change (your body) for him/her will never be satisfied because you keep changing until you no longer recognize yourself.
If you care to know, it’s not just my hair stylist who sells these o. A lot of guys under Ikeja bridge do the same. From giving you pink lips to penis enlargement (yes o, they do that too.Wonder working powers of Ikeja under bridge).
Please, if you don’t love your body, atleast, love yourself and remember that ‘your body is the temple of the Living God ‘. You don’t own it.
Have you ever had this experience? Please, share. I’d love to hear from you.
Hips up 😂 😂
P.s- Alvin is one of the best hair stylists in yaba. Tested. Proven fact. He didn’t pay for the advert oo.