Posted in Random

Children’s day and my insecurities 

Although, I guess if I knew tomorrow, I guess I wouldn’t need faith 

I guess if I never fell, I guess I wouldn’t need grace 

I guess if I knew His plans I guess He wouldn’t be God – Jon Bellion 

At the moment, I’m in a bus heading for yaba from my parents’. And I just read a post from NSG on Instagram. You don’t know NSG??? You mean you don’t??  Oya,goan follow her sharp sharp.

Well, you can say her post inspired this post . 

The best thing I love doing with my mum whenever I’m home (other than playing pranks on her intentionally)  is watching children videos with her. When I say children videos, I mean kids dancing, singing on America’s got talent, mila, and the McClure twin girls. I love the way she says awww or ‘won n mu inu mi dun’ or ‘bo see ma n shey ni kekere niyen’. I love how her face lights up at the sight of them. I want to believe I just love seeing myself as a child with her. Her trophy child actually. She’s my safe place. I feel so much like a little girl when she’s around me. Sorry, my dad makes me realize I’m already an adult when he enters the picture and I just wanna remain a child. 

I digress. 

Today’s 27th of May.  Children’s day. And all I see(on TV) are kids on the track marching, playing games on the pitch and actually doing all sorts of kids stuff. 

Crazy money spent on these children’s day events yearly and rightly so. Even my church-Rhema chapel, celebrate these kids every year. We kinda leave the whole Sunday to them to take over -Sermon, choir ministration, choreography, drama, etc. Last year, I literally had tears welling up my eyes 👀 seeing some kids read as many as the whole of Psalm 119 which by the way, is the psalm with the longest number of verses, playing the saxophone, violin and so many mind-blowing instruments. 

The tears were partly because I was blown out of my mind and was so proud of them even though I wasn’t their parents. Also partly because my hormones(what’s the one for tears called?) rage at the slightest reason so, tears. But majorly, because that used to be me.

I remember watching a video with a colleague couple of months ago and after awwing and ahhing,  I told him that used to be me. You’re laughing right? That was the same thing he did!  You can’t believe it right?  Me neither.  So we can all laugh together. 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂. 

That’s actually not funny 😐 😐 :|.  At all.

In reality, it actually is. I was that child that everyone held in high esteem, from primary school right until I graduated from uni . The trophy child actually (I’m fanning myself right now).  Lol.  I could play the guitar, I was as fast as a hare when running, my brain was so photographic (I have to read stuff many times in order to remember these days) and even I was like the reference point to others. Lawlll. I actually believe it’s the same for so many 90s kids.

But a couple of years down the line, what do we have? I don’t even know how to play anything any longer(other than the notes). 

I wasn’t joking in my last post when I said I never thought I would still be here. Don’t get me wrong o, I’m not doing badly. At all. Well, atleast. I only expected to bhpe very much farther down my journey based on all I put up here. And like many others, when I hit 25, it was like a big slap on my face. It kind of jolted me to reality of what my expected and actual was and I could see a huge variance. And I’m not lying when I say it was at that point that it was as if I didn’t even know what I was doing again. Like -babe, what exactly is the plan? Not like I even know what tomorrow says sef. One step at a time, baby. 

So, it brings me to asking if we aren’t lying to these kids. Hailing them and saying they’re the leaders of tomorrow, going to go farther than the skies, bla bla bla.. Yadayada yadayada.. 

Which brings me to my insecurities with kids (I’m all transparent right now). I think my biggest insecurities about having kids will be being scared of the uncertainties. Like what if they don’t make it the way we raise them? What if everything is just a joke?  What If I’m just cheering them on because the only the only reason is because I can only hope for them to be everything. Just hope. 

I worry too much, I know but that is indeed what life exactly is about. Plenty uncertainties. The best I can do is to pray for my future children everyday. I’ve put them in God’s hands even when I can’t wrap my head around things. 

Happy Children’s day everyone. 

😘 😘 

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Adventurous You think I'm shy until you get to meet me

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