Posted in gratitude

Gratitude -Day 16

Patience isn’t my strongest point. Especially when I’m with rude or incompetent people. I’m currently working with someone who everyone told me was difficult ;even before I started working with her. She calls at really odd hours and every minute to make enquiries of things she can even see right in front of her.

We ended the project completely today and so far, we have had no clash or quarrel of any sort.

I’m grateful for the patience I’m learning to master, ability to withhold lashing out my tongue and being able to air my grievances without bitterness. I’m grateful because this is so unlike me.

What are you grateful for today??

Xoxo

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Posted in Life, love, Reviews

Half year review 2- Goodbye 2017

Hello people. This is the final review of my 2017 second half. Read my review of the first half here

https://aasadamilola.wordpress.com/2017/07/01/my-half-year-review-2/

This might be pretty long. 6months, you know. Some events might also have reversed by the end of this review as I penned things as they happened during the course of the year. 

JULY 

I must confess, I live life one day at a time now. Gone are the days when I used to write out things I wanted to happen before the end of each year. I get heartbroken 💔 9 out of 10 times so,why not live? 

I got my results on the 17the and baby girl passed her exams. Yippee. One paper to being chartered. 
AUGUST 

I spent the better part of this month at Ebun’s place. I had moved to my house last month, true, but I still had a lot of stuff to fix-Burglary, net, ceiling fans, painting etc. These stuffs took about 2 weeks in all then I moved in finally on the 17th. You guys should say a big thanks to Ebun for me. Annoying most times but she’s a life saver nevertheless.

There was this Thursday night my friends and I went to hang out at Bottles. We actually went to Ntyce first before heading for Bottles. It was mad mad fun. Been a while I danced crazy like that. No, I wasn’t high. I don’t drink though, it’s part of my bucket list and I’d rather do that in the company of someone I trust totally. Last time I had that kind of fun was in April, on Jasmine’s birthday at Slay lounge. I didn’t feel the effect of the dance until the second day when I couldn’t move my body. Lol. 

Other parts of the month was for preparing for my last exam. 

SEPTEMBER

I wrote my last exam on the 4th and I can’t deny the fact that it felt as if a burden was taken off my head. ACCA is actually stress. I will someday write about my ACCA journey -my gains, losses and pains during the process. Right now, we celebrate. Not yet though. Probably when the results are out. Only problem I have now is where to divert all this weekend energy to. I’m used to going for weekend lectures and now that I have some spare time, I don’t know what to do. Specific suggestions?  

Let me make a confession – I hate the ember months. Like, totally. It just has a way of making me feel depressed because the year will be coming to an end with nothing much to show for it. Yes, I don’t write down stuffs to do for the year but there’s no denying that I have expectations before the year ends. We move anyway. 

Organized Ebun’s bridal shower for 23rd and boy was she happy. Baby girl is becoming a Mrs on October 2nd. I’m too happy for her. Lol.

26th

Someone said something amazing today and he blew my mind. It was a colleague at work. We were just chatting randomly and he goes -“Dammy, you are a source of encouragement to me. It’s like you have this whole thing called life figured out. Doing very well on the job, have an MSc, good relationship and you’re even chartered already”.

Lol.

Lol. Please laugh with me everyone. 

I’m happy to be an encouragement to him but If only he knew my life isn’t as perfect as he painted it. I’m getting tired of the job and I doubt that he knows I’m not in a relationship. Or that I’m so emotional and I cry a lot. My face and naughtiness probably makes everyone think everything with me is perfect. Lol. I saw something about that on Twitter by @fkabudu. “Stop getting distracted by other people’s achievements.  You don’t know their story. You have your own work to do.” 

That there, summed up my September. By the way, I’m tired of Adulting. Can I just restart the whole thing?  O su mi mehn 

OCTOBER 

Issa Chartered akantant!! I was literally overwhelmed with love and gratitude this month. Do remind you that I have the best parents /family?  The support from them have been so massive. Especially my dad who pushes me, against my will beyond my limits. My dad literally put it on the family whatsapp group and everyone took turns to call me. I felt loved sha. On the other hand, I didn’t feel extra a day after. Life just continued. Reminds me that you shouldn’t place your joy on any life achievement. Don’t say you’ll be happy when this and that happens. That stuff happens then what next?  New goals. Please, don’t tell me you’ll place your happiness on the next goal. 
NOVEMBER 

Nothing much happened here. Like, it just came and went. Nothing spectacular 

DECEMBER 

This one came with the realization of the year coming to an end. Like fr? The devil almost came to take my joy away by reminding me of what I am yet to achieve. Again, family came through. While I understand that the love from my family is as a result of intentional work and criticism on themselves, I really hope my future family have this kind of love among us. From my lips to God’s ears 😂. 

Christmas was lit. I went to shows and almost finished my salary before the month even ended. I went for Simi’s see me live, Adekunle Gold’s one night stand (ONSWAG), Fela’s kalakuta stage play, and a lovely spa session. Oh, I saw Jumanji too. Took me right back to childhood. I think this is my best adult Christmas. No doubts.

One thing I got reminded of this month though (I’ve always known this)  is that you should date only people who share your values. I’ll probably write on this in another post. True life experience oo.

I wish you all the best 2018. May all our heart desires be granted and may we all have cause to sing and dance for joy in the new year. Amen. 

Xoxo. 

Love and light, always. 

Posted in love, Random

December Randoms

Hey hey everyone, 

Cobwebs cleared, so I’m back. Lol

Let me feel myself small naw.. You know woman’s not hot. 

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I’m sooooo glad the year is coming to an end because.. I’m excited about it for no reason. On the other hand, I don’t want it to come to an end just because it’s been a great year so far. Some lows came but there were more highs than lows; I must confess. Except if I want to be ungrateful, which I choose not to be. 

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Third year in a row where I won’t be spending new year’s eve with the family because… Work. So, my new year usually start off on a boring note. Ameannnnn.. I should be in church praising my way into the new year but whichever way, we move. 

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I am so grateful for a lot of things this year and I’m a bit overwhelmed. 

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Dad will be 60 in two ✌ months’ and my mum has started planning a surprise birthday for her husband already. My mom is the ‘carry my husband on my head ‘ type of lover. It’s written all over her and she can’t help it. Lol.

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November was one of my best months yet. You know why already. 

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2018 is going to be a great year already. I did my plan up until December 2018 and I’m scared.. Lol. I really hope all my plans play out, and most importantly, I have the funds to finance my dreams. Oh. And that God keeps me alive to carry them out. 

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I got my first Christmas gift today. I think I’ve been bitten by the Christmas bug already. 

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Merry Christmas everyone. Love and light always. 

Xoxo

Xoxo

Posted in Life, Random

Living for the kids-My children are my world 

Hey people people. 

Happy Sunday 😂. 

How am I?  I am very fine. Just been traveling up and down to London to see the queen. Talk about being a busy bee.

Straight to the point…

As Adulting kicks in (annoyingly) and we build careers and hustle, away from the whole ambition, I think it gets to a point where one wonders what the point of this whole hustling is.

 There’s that void /longing ;some people call it purpose (I don’t think so sha) which begs to be answered. It could be rising bills or accumulation of wealth-which you don’t see the point of amassing ;whatsoever actually. For some folks, it means it’s time to get married and for the married folks, kids. Like, something. Just something to live for. 

Many times, I’ve heard the older folks say things like –whenever I remember I have a wife and kids, I get motivated to work harder ;I’m doing all these things for my kids ; my kids are my world, etc 

Funny enough, my mum is an exception to a whole lot of things -this, for instance. She doesn’t believe she has to live for her kids or put her life on hold for them. Growing up, I used to think she was mean but now that I’m older, I totally understand. 

I don’t have kids (yet) but I’ve spoken to older folks who already have grandkids and have seen it all. There’s a woman in my unit in church who’s an ex CBN accountant. Lived a wealthy life by every meaning of the word, traveled many countries and sent her kids to the most expensive schools in Nigeria so, she’s definitely above the average Nigerian. Her kids are doing very well now -married with good careers. She shares the same views with my mum. She said she told her kids that the ultimatum for assistance from her for any child is when she clocks 60. Any child who by that age, hasn’t figured out life might not get the best from her. Traveling upandan to do omugo for any child by then isn’t her calling 😂. Talk about asking your mum to do come to the US for 6 months omugo and she declining. She was like she’s spent about 40 years of her life putting them first ;the remaining 20 years of her life-give or take, is for herself. These kids you want to die for are going to be independent by 18 and if you put your life on hold for the 18years, you might not be too happy watching them put themselves before you when they go off to college. 
On the flip side, some other man said that is selfishness and that when you have a child, your whole life literally changes. You’re engulfed by both love and fear of taking care of another human being who you can do anything for and it will take you years(probably 18/20) for you to be selfish. In a way, I agree with what him because I don’t have kids yet but I already have plans for them e.g not giving birth to them in this godforsaken country if possible ;which will definitely mean sacrifices of some pleasures on my part. 

This brings me to asking about your thoughts who literally tell their kids – you are my investment. Some folks for instance, who are still tenants and have no property to their names when asked, say their children are their properties /investments. I think that is the easiest way to guilt trip a child. First of, does it still work nowadays? Ameannnnn, my dad ;who is not a millennial, sacrificed his life, education, etc for his siblings (which he still say are investments) isn’t telling a good story. If I should put it mildly, it’s a zero ROI.  Lmao. Now, paint that scenario again in a millennial generation where people don’t think much of their extended families, nuclear family first (rightly so) -is he still an investment? 

But in a case where the man/parent doesn’t even have pension funds any longer because of you, aren’t you really an investment?  Lol. Quite dicey.. I know. 

So, guys, what do you think about it? Should one wrap his entire existed around his kids? Yes?  Or not? Or maybe? At what point do you draw the line to live for yourself ? 

I would really love to hear from you. You know what to do. Drop a comment below. 

Xoxo 

Posted in Life

Women supporting women and Rivalry 

Hey people. 

Whozzop??? 

I watched real talk on NdaniTV yesterday with Keturah King and a bunch of others and I must say that inspired this post. So basically, it’s going to be a mix of the talk and my thoughts. 

I’ll be ranting about women rivalry and the truthfulness in their support. 

To start with, I am building a career in a corporate firm where we have the female to male ratio in about 60/40 so, I have a lot of female colleage and bosses so, I can say these things are what I see on a daily basis. I can actually get away with 70/30 even. There was a day one of my male colleagues was telling me that the problem with the corporate world and the family units is because us women have taken over the jobs from the men. That’s gist for another day by the way. 

I am all for competitive rivalry which I think is healthy (until it no longer is) and learning stuff from people but at what point does it become unhealthy among women? 

I have heard people mention that women are less empathetic to their fellow women than their male counterparts and more often than not, when a female boss is acting all bitchy, first thing I’m asked is if she’s married. If I say no,then that’s why she’s bitchy;she’s probably not getting laid enough(I have an unpopular opinion that unmarried folks get laid frequently than their married counterparts). If they are married, then I get to be asked if they have kids.. If they don’t ;that’s why. If they do, their marriage is probably not a happy one. Lol. People just keep looking for ways to justify the cause of the beef or rivalry.

Everything I’ll be ranting here might be an apology for women but it’s just what I feel. 

Women rivalry can come from the smallest things to the biggest issues. Funny as it sounds, it could be as petty as another woman’s makeup 💄 or hair finer than hers or having bigger boobs and bums to having brilliant children to making big career moves.

There’s a way people project their insecurities onto others by becoming cranky and so displeasedr by others’ work. Keturah gave the instance of her colleague who was very good at whatever she does but always has a problem with her(K’s) work. At some point K had to ask why she acts so grumpy and she was like – you’re pretty, slim, dark, good at what you do.  When I heard that, I was like wtf? Talk about being petty!  Girl, you are good at what you do but if you want to be slim, you need to hit the gym. Earn it! Lol. 
First of, I think it’s a personality problem. As much as I want to believe it’s gender based, I believe guys go through the same thing albeit in a different manner. 

Which brings me to a tweet I saw on Twitter. It said that girls write mushy things for each other on their birthdays but we all know they have serious beef for each other. Lol. That was so apt because some days back, a friend who I haven’t heard from in like 4 years, wrote a lovely message on my wall on how she appreciates my friendship and yadayada. It was our friendversary on Facebook. I love stuffs like that so it made me feel mushy but I couldn’t help but wonder the truth in all the stuff she wrote. Even Mark Zuckerberg is part of the people causing this wahala. So, I really don’t take people too seriously (in this part of the world)  when they put up pictures and hashtags #Womensupportingwomen on IG. What support actually?  Did you help her business or how exactly are you supporting her other than putting up her picture? I personally think it is what it is – An hashtag.
There’s this thing that happens in Nigeria that when a woman drives and fails to allow a male driver overtake or if she’s so slow on a fast moving lane,people go- oh, she’s a woman. That’s why she’s sluggish. Right from Primary school, when a girl takes the first position, some fathers ask their sons why they would allow the girl come first. This has kind of translated into the real world, fast forward to many years later, some women don’t want to be seen as slow or being slack. It’s like saying one woman slacks, all women slack so, deal with it. So, they try to get the extra validation and try not to cut the slack for other women as if they’re saying – I’m trying my best. If people will say women are slow, it won’t be because of me. I’m pulling my own weight ;please do your bit. This thing is however stripping women of their humanity and empathy. It’s the reason why a pregnant woman will tell her manager she doesn’t want to do some jobs and the manager goes- Pregnancy is not sickness. I was pregnant and I did this and this and this. Inhumane much? 

There’s also the angle where you get to balance some things. It’s already a mental note that women are bitchy so, it becomes an issue when a woman is nice. When she’s trying to be a good person, she gets the look of trying too hard, famzing or eye service. This is another reason why I say it’s a personality thing. I’m going to be sincere with you- I get very uncomfortable when someone is too nice. Like, you never get angry. Lol.  No sir.It’s probably because I’m not so nice ;not even these days that I don’t care about a lot of things (but I care in my closet) and that’s another reason why I say it’s a personality thing. 

Then there’s also like a window phase for women. Let me explain. At some point, a woman needs to slow down in order to get married, start a family and take care of the kids. Life is so much easier now that everyone has helps and in some cases, machines. One still cannot hide the fact that it slows a woman’s career at some point. This alone makes her act like ; I have just this short while to kiss ass and trust me,this also contributes to her bitchiness. 

Question now is, how can the situation be helped?  How can it be controlled? 

For me, this competition has moved on to rivalry which is very unhealthy. Very. 

What do you guys think?  You know what to do. Drop a comment below. 

Xoxo. 

Posted in Life

Happy birthday Michael 

​Holla guys!

Another week. Again. Lol. We move anyway. 

Today is Michael’s birthday. You remember Michael? The bus shuttle guy at Sabo. You still don’t remember him? Read about him on this post -https://aasadamilola.wordpress.com/2017/06/25/day-to-day-dealings-as-a-lagos-commuter/

He had told me two weeks ago, that his birthday was on the 18th. He also said he wouldn’t be shuttling for buses throughout that week because -birthday week. 

Funny thing is, he calls me Abi. The first time he asked for my name, I told him it was Dammy but I guess he caught Abi so,that’s my new name yo!

I used to feel really embarrassed at the busstop when he just shouts ‘Aunty Abi’ and everyone turns back with a frantic look of- where did you meet this Agbero?  Now, I’ve gotten used to it. He’s always cheerful, warm and most importantly, helps me get a seat at the busstop whenever there are scarce buses. 

I was however surprised this morning, when I got to the busstop to see him doing some bus hustling. Lol. He invited me to his birthday shindig actually. 

9am-12noon Birthday football 

4PM till late -Playing of instruments with plenty of drinks and food. Venue is makoko. 

I actually got to know that he plays instruments today (I don’t know which though). When I told him to take a selfie with me, he refused, that he wasn’t dressed up like a birthday boy. His hair said otherwise though. He didn’t forget to remind me of his birthday ‘something’. As always. Lol. Baby girl is too broke at the moment to give anyone birthday something. Told him to come back next week -you already know what date that is 😂. 

Happy birthday Michael. Here is wishing you a long life, prosperity and a prayer that all your dreams come true. 

P.S The bus I boarded just broke down on 3MB. Events like this will make me vex to get my car(other than the fact that I love my sleep too much to drive when there’s no traffic and I’m scared of car maintenance costs). 

Xoxo.