Posted in Life

Day-to-day dealings as a Lagos commuter 

Hello guys. 

Again. 

So, today, I’ll be softly touching the daily waka as a Lagos commuter. I grew up in Lagos the major part of my life and started the proper Lagos hustle in 2015 so, it’s safe to say I’m very much qualified for this topic. Here we go!!

Image from the Internet-who wants to claim copyright?  😂 

  • Try. Like, very much try to reduce your voice when receiving a call in a bus. I know the Yoruba (wo)man in you loves to shout but try your best not to. We are really not interested in knowing the happenings of your life. Especially as it’s 6.00am on a Monday morning. Some of us are probably still sleeping, we are merely walking physically. 
  • When you’re on social media -twitter, facebook, (especially)  Instagram, there is a high probability of your phone not being yours alone. There’s someone -beside you or behind you trying to stretch his neck to see what you’re watching. Infact, there’s someone beside me trying to read what I’m typing right now. There was a day I was going through IG in a bus, going through make up videos and this guy was just stretching his neck to see the pictures. He didn’t even hide it because he was even laughing at pictures and memes I didn’t find funny so, you can imagine how angry I was. I actually turned to give him the look of -‘Are we using the phone together ‘? He just laughed and said -‘aunty, you women too dey deceive us’ and just kept on laughing. I was too angry but I just remembered it was not my father’s bus so, I logged out of IG.
  • When you pass through a route often -everyday, you tend to have bus friends, agbero friends. There are some people (okay, just two)  who call me when I don’t show up at the bus stop by 6/6.30. Talmbout loyalty. The guy that calls for passengers at Sabo every morning (Michael) doesn’t fail to show everyone he knows me by greeting me loudly everyday. Sometimes when buses are scarce when it rains and a bus drives by, he hustles a seat for me. Yorubas say omo burúkú lójó ti è so, I tip him sometimes. There was this one time I didn’t give him anything in like 3 months and the next day he saw me, he was like –aunty, you gats find something for me soon o. This was before everyone in the bus o. He also tells me to avoid an area when robbery occurs. Days when I decide to leave for my office really late, say 9am, he goes –aunty, why are you late?  Abi you watch film over-night? I’m beginning to think he’s working for my employer sef. The only thing he’s yet to have is my phone number which he says he’ll get ‘tomorrow’ everyday. Lol. Trust me, they have their own useful days. 
  • You will definitely meet rude and uncouth men who think you’re no different from their wives or girlfriends they have sex with. If you love your life, don’t respond to their abuses. Just keep quiet. You can like to respond sha. You will only end up looking at the mirror trying to confirm if what they said are true. You really don’t want to do that. 
  • There will also be people who didn’t sleep well in their houses,trying to complete their nap in the bus so,would want to drop their heads on your shoulder. 😂 😂. I don’t know why people won’t just respect themselves by placing their heads on the back rest in front of them. I don’t even joke with that. Please and please, don’t let your head mistakenly fall on my shoulder. 
  • You might sometimes find yourself becoming a conductor in the bus. Not like anyone appointed you but for your sake, just take the goddamn job. How do you explain having a #1,000 note for a #150 bus fare? 
  • You will also have the opportunity to know who the original staff of the country are. I’m talking about the men in uniform -policemen,custom officers, soldiers, etc. These ones don’t pay bus fares because -staff. There was a time I boarded a bus from Sabo to obalende and as the conductor prompted us for our fares, he just shouted that he wasn’t ‘going’ again. He was almost in tears. He had like 7 staff in the bus! A 14-seater bus o. Lol. Oga staff.
  • And before I forget, don’t come into the bus trying to use original English language like the rest of us don’t understand it. What’s the meaning of I want to alight? Its like you want the driver to take you past your busstop abi?  What happened to ó wà or e dey?

What experiences have you had as a Lagos commuter?

Xoxo. 

Posted in Life

Of Scammers and real owners 

Whozza! 

Holla Holla.. 

I trust you’re doing well.. If so, Doxology 😂. 

Today’s title is a real life story. My friend told me to go ahead to publish it. 

 DISCLAIMER!

I was laughing when he gave me the gist but now, I’ve lost steam so, don’t blame me if you don’t find it as funny as I did.
How many of you think because you live in Lagos (or Nigeria sef), you can’t get Scammed?  Ameannnnn.. Nigeria has practically ‘torn’ people’s eyes so, how can’t you be immune to scams? 

So, my friend, call him Bobo, got a scholarship for his MSc in January(BTW, I couldn’t contain my joy for him) in the US so, off to America he went. 

You know the general thought that once your friend is outside Nigeria and receiving excessive cold into his body, he’s made for life and he automatically has tarty-million for the akant? I think that was what bobo’s friends thought. Plus, we already have a friend in the ‘abroad’ so, let us start buying from Amazon ;our friend will bring it or find a way of sending it to Naija for us. That’s the only part I like sha. 

Bobo’s friend, call him  Ade, tells Bobo that he saw an iPhone on a US online store and would like him to help buy it then send to Naija. The deal was obviously very good. $275 for an iPhone plus it’s from Amerika. 

Bobo rings up the phone seller,they negotiate and reach an agreement for Bobo to wire half of the money and after the guy sends the phone via post, the 50% balance would be transferred to the seller. Sounds fair enough By the way, it’s quite a distance between the seller and Bobo. 

Some 30-40 minutes later, Bobo gets a picture of the seller sending the picture of the phone at the post office and he thought 💭 deal was done so he did what?  He transferred the 50% balance to the seller. Good boy! 

1 hour later… No phone. Well, it could be the ‘traffic’. You know there could be ‘hold up’ in oyinbo land too.

2 hours later, Phone is yet to appear. It’s like the guy sent the phone to a wrong mail box ‘ so Bobo in the infinite wisdom given to him by God, decides to call Mr seller. Guess what? 

Just guess naw.. 
 Scammer Seller had blocked bobo’s number. He dialed it a second time..same thing. That was when he knew he had been scammed. 

Hehehe.  What a way to say welcome to America! This happened in his first month of arrival. 

Did I remember to tell you Bobo was trying to be a good friend by helping Ade buy the phone with his money for him to be later refunded? Apparently, his money which he used was not really his.. It was someone else’s money 💵. Talk about double double. 😂. 

That was a wrong emoticon. It should have been 😐 😐 

If I was the one something like that happened to , I would go to the rest room to purge.. My stomach would get upset for no reason before the tears start flowing. Because in my mind, I’ll be like

  • First of, GOD!  WHY DID YOU ABANDON ME?
  • So……., the person whose money I used to buy Ade’s phone, he’s not the real owner? Because, the real owner just came to collect his money. You get? 
  • How could I be scammed?  Me? A whole Lagos girl. Most Lagosians are naturally paranoid. Before a Lagos girl does something, she’d have thought of a thousand what-ifs before settling for the positives.
  • Then I’ll settle for the real tears. Forgerrit, it’s definitely going to fill a bucket then I’ll probably sleep off, then wake up the following morning to confirm if what happened the night before was for real. 
  • Then I would probably console myself and say something like ‘the scammer has kukuma taken all my sorrows away’. There’s always two ways of seeing things. Talmbout angu!

Then life as I know it will continue. After all, t’ésin bá dani, a máa túuň gùn ni. I don’t know how to translate it. Sorry ma/sah.

Have you ever been scammed in a strange land or new place before?  I would love to hear from you. 

You know the drill, drop a comment. 

Xoxo.