Posted in love, Random

December Randoms

Hey hey everyone,

Cobwebs cleared, so I’m back. Lol

Let me feel myself small naw.. You know woman’s not hot.

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I’m sooooo glad the year is coming to an end because.. I’m excited about it for no reason. On the other hand, I don’t want it to come to an end just because it’s been a great year so far. Some lows came but there were more highs than lows; I must confess. Except if I want to be ungrateful, which I choose not to be.

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Third year in a row where I won’t be spending new year’s eve with the family because… Work. So, my new year usually start off on a boring note. Ameannnnn.. I should be in church praising my way into the new year but whichever way, we move.

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I am so grateful for a lot of things this year and I’m a bit overwhelmed.

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Dad will be 60 in two ✌ months’ and my mum has started planning a surprise birthday for her husband already. My mom is the ‘carry my husband on my head ‘ type of lover. It’s written all over her and she can’t help it. Lol.

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November was one of my best months yet. You know why already.

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2018 is going to be a great year already. I did my plan up until December 2018 and I’m scared.. Lol. I really hope all my plans play out, and most importantly, I have the funds to finance my dreams. Oh. And that God keeps me alive to carry them out.

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I got my first Christmas gift today. I think I’ve been bitten by the Christmas bug already.

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Merry Christmas everyone. Love and light always.

Xoxo

Xoxo

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Posted in Uncategorized

Cobwebs clearing 

Holla Holla

Out here to clean the cobwebs.

Clear

Clear clear

Still cleaning.

I’ll be back when everywhere is clean. I

Xoxo

Posted in Life, Random

Living for the kids-My children are my world 

Hey people people.

Happy Sunday 😂.

How am I? I am very fine. Just been traveling up and down to London to see the queen. Talk about being a busy bee.

Straight to the point…

As Adulting kicks in (annoyingly) and we build careers and hustle, away from the whole ambition, I think it gets to a point where one wonders what the point of this whole hustling is.

There’s that void /longing ;some people call it purpose (I don’t think so sha) which begs to be answered. It could be rising bills or accumulation of wealth-which you don’t see the point of amassing ;whatsoever actually. For some folks, it means it’s time to get married and for the married folks, kids. Like, something. Just something to live for.

Many times, I’ve heard the older folks say things like –whenever I remember I have a wife and kids, I get motivated to work harder ;I’m doing all these things for my kids ; my kids are my world, etc

Funny enough, my mum is an exception to a whole lot of things -this, for instance. She doesn’t believe she has to live for her kids or put her life on hold for them. Growing up, I used to think she was mean but now that I’m older, I totally understand.

I don’t have kids (yet) but I’ve spoken to older folks who already have grandkids and have seen it all. There’s a woman in my unit in church who’s an ex CBN accountant. Lived a wealthy life by every meaning of the word, traveled many countries and sent her kids to the most expensive schools in Nigeria so, she’s definitely above the average Nigerian. Her kids are doing very well now -married with good careers. She shares the same views with my mum. She said she told her kids that the ultimatum for assistance from her for any child is when she clocks 60. Any child who by that age, hasn’t figured out life might not get the best from her. Traveling upandan to do omugo for any child by then isn’t her calling 😂. Talk about asking your mum to do come to the US for 6 months omugo and she declining. She was like she’s spent about 40 years of her life putting them first ;the remaining 20 years of her life-give or take, is for herself. These kids you want to die for are going to be independent by 18 and if you put your life on hold for the 18years, you might not be too happy watching them put themselves before you when they go off to college.
On the flip side, some other man said that is selfishness and that when you have a child, your whole life literally changes. You’re engulfed by both love and fear of taking care of another human being who you can do anything for and it will take you years(probably 18/20) for you to be selfish. In a way, I agree with what him because I don’t have kids yet but I already have plans for them e.g not giving birth to them in this godforsaken country if possible ;which will definitely mean sacrifices of some pleasures on my part.

This brings me to asking about your thoughts who literally tell their kids – you are my investment. Some folks for instance, who are still tenants and have no property to their names when asked, say their children are their properties /investments. I think that is the easiest way to guilt trip a child. First of, does it still work nowadays? Ameannnnn, my dad ;who is not a millennial, sacrificed his life, education, etc for his siblings (which he still say are investments) isn’t telling a good story. If I should put it mildly, it’s a zero ROI. Lmao. Now, paint that scenario again in a millennial generation where people don’t think much of their extended families, nuclear family first (rightly so) -is he still an investment?

But in a case where the man/parent doesn’t even have pension funds any longer because of you, aren’t you really an investment? Lol. Quite dicey.. I know.

So, guys, what do you think about it? Should one wrap his entire existed around his kids? Yes? Or not? Or maybe? At what point do you draw the line to live for yourself ?

I would really love to hear from you. You know what to do. Drop a comment below.

Xoxo

Posted in Life

Women supporting women and Rivalry 

Hey people. 

Whozzop??? 

I watched real talk on NdaniTV yesterday with Keturah King and a bunch of others and I must say that inspired this post. So basically, it’s going to be a mix of the talk and my thoughts. 

I’ll be ranting about women rivalry and the truthfulness in their support. 

To start with, I am building a career in a corporate firm where we have the female to male ratio in about 60/40 so, I have a lot of female colleage and bosses so, I can say these things are what I see on a daily basis. I can actually get away with 70/30 even. There was a day one of my male colleagues was telling me that the problem with the corporate world and the family units is because us women have taken over the jobs from the men. That’s gist for another day by the way. 

I am all for competitive rivalry which I think is healthy (until it no longer is) and learning stuff from people but at what point does it become unhealthy among women? 

I have heard people mention that women are less empathetic to their fellow women than their male counterparts and more often than not, when a female boss is acting all bitchy, first thing I’m asked is if she’s married. If I say no,then that’s why she’s bitchy;she’s probably not getting laid enough(I have an unpopular opinion that unmarried folks get laid frequently than their married counterparts). If they are married, then I get to be asked if they have kids.. If they don’t ;that’s why. If they do, their marriage is probably not a happy one. Lol. People just keep looking for ways to justify the cause of the beef or rivalry.

Everything I’ll be ranting here might be an apology for women but it’s just what I feel. 

Women rivalry can come from the smallest things to the biggest issues. Funny as it sounds, it could be as petty as another woman’s makeup 💄 or hair finer than hers or having bigger boobs and bums to having brilliant children to making big career moves.

There’s a way people project their insecurities onto others by becoming cranky and so displeasedr by others’ work. Keturah gave the instance of her colleague who was very good at whatever she does but always has a problem with her(K’s) work. At some point K had to ask why she acts so grumpy and she was like – you’re pretty, slim, dark, good at what you do.  When I heard that, I was like wtf? Talk about being petty!  Girl, you are good at what you do but if you want to be slim, you need to hit the gym. Earn it! Lol. 
First of, I think it’s a personality problem. As much as I want to believe it’s gender based, I believe guys go through the same thing albeit in a different manner. 

Which brings me to a tweet I saw on Twitter. It said that girls write mushy things for each other on their birthdays but we all know they have serious beef for each other. Lol. That was so apt because some days back, a friend who I haven’t heard from in like 4 years, wrote a lovely message on my wall on how she appreciates my friendship and yadayada. It was our friendversary on Facebook. I love stuffs like that so it made me feel mushy but I couldn’t help but wonder the truth in all the stuff she wrote. Even Mark Zuckerberg is part of the people causing this wahala. So, I really don’t take people too seriously (in this part of the world)  when they put up pictures and hashtags #Womensupportingwomen on IG. What support actually?  Did you help her business or how exactly are you supporting her other than putting up her picture? I personally think it is what it is – An hashtag.
There’s this thing that happens in Nigeria that when a woman drives and fails to allow a male driver overtake or if she’s so slow on a fast moving lane,people go- oh, she’s a woman. That’s why she’s sluggish. Right from Primary school, when a girl takes the first position, some fathers ask their sons why they would allow the girl come first. This has kind of translated into the real world, fast forward to many years later, some women don’t want to be seen as slow or being slack. It’s like saying one woman slacks, all women slack so, deal with it. So, they try to get the extra validation and try not to cut the slack for other women as if they’re saying – I’m trying my best. If people will say women are slow, it won’t be because of me. I’m pulling my own weight ;please do your bit. This thing is however stripping women of their humanity and empathy. It’s the reason why a pregnant woman will tell her manager she doesn’t want to do some jobs and the manager goes- Pregnancy is not sickness. I was pregnant and I did this and this and this. Inhumane much? 

There’s also the angle where you get to balance some things. It’s already a mental note that women are bitchy so, it becomes an issue when a woman is nice. When she’s trying to be a good person, she gets the look of trying too hard, famzing or eye service. This is another reason why I say it’s a personality thing. I’m going to be sincere with you- I get very uncomfortable when someone is too nice. Like, you never get angry. Lol.  No sir.It’s probably because I’m not so nice ;not even these days that I don’t care about a lot of things (but I care in my closet) and that’s another reason why I say it’s a personality thing. 

Then there’s also like a window phase for women. Let me explain. At some point, a woman needs to slow down in order to get married, start a family and take care of the kids. Life is so much easier now that everyone has helps and in some cases, machines. One still cannot hide the fact that it slows a woman’s career at some point. This alone makes her act like ; I have just this short while to kiss ass and trust me,this also contributes to her bitchiness. 

Question now is, how can the situation be helped?  How can it be controlled? 

For me, this competition has moved on to rivalry which is very unhealthy. Very. 

What do you guys think?  You know what to do. Drop a comment below. 

Xoxo. 

Posted in Life

Happy birthday Michael 

​Holla guys!

Another week. Again. Lol. We move anyway. 

Today is Michael’s birthday. You remember Michael? The bus shuttle guy at Sabo. You still don’t remember him? Read about him on this post -https://aasadamilola.wordpress.com/2017/06/25/day-to-day-dealings-as-a-lagos-commuter/

He had told me two weeks ago, that his birthday was on the 18th. He also said he wouldn’t be shuttling for buses throughout that week because -birthday week. 

Funny thing is, he calls me Abi. The first time he asked for my name, I told him it was Dammy but I guess he caught Abi so,that’s my new name yo!

I used to feel really embarrassed at the busstop when he just shouts ‘Aunty Abi’ and everyone turns back with a frantic look of- where did you meet this Agbero?  Now, I’ve gotten used to it. He’s always cheerful, warm and most importantly, helps me get a seat at the busstop whenever there are scarce buses. 

I was however surprised this morning, when I got to the busstop to see him doing some bus hustling. Lol. He invited me to his birthday shindig actually. 

9am-12noon Birthday football 

4PM till late -Playing of instruments with plenty of drinks and food. Venue is makoko. 

I actually got to know that he plays instruments today (I don’t know which though). When I told him to take a selfie with me, he refused, that he wasn’t dressed up like a birthday boy. His hair said otherwise though. He didn’t forget to remind me of his birthday ‘something’. As always. Lol. Baby girl is too broke at the moment to give anyone birthday something. Told him to come back next week -you already know what date that is 😂. 

Happy birthday Michael. Here is wishing you a long life, prosperity and a prayer that all your dreams come true. 

P.S The bus I boarded just broke down on 3MB. Events like this will make me vex to get my car(other than the fact that I love my sleep too much to drive when there’s no traffic and I’m scared of car maintenance costs). 

Xoxo.

Posted in After school

Postgraduate studies before or after work experience 

Heyyyy guys! 

Whozza!! 

I want to scribble some thoughts on going for a postgraduate degree before or after some years of work experience. 

In Nigeria, if you’re lucky to finish your undergraduate studies before you hit your mid-twenties, you automatically have two choices. No, three actually. 

Get a job.

Go for Msc.

Get married. Lol

I did the second before I even thought of the first option. It’s not negotiable in my family where virtually everyone has a master’s degree so, it’s an unspoken action. Non-negotiable actually, except you want to be seen as a rebel 😂. I didn’t start thinking of the third until I started MSc so you know what box to put me in. 

However, now that I have some work experience, and I now know how the real world operates, I hold a different position from earlier. 

Having a BSc is like a minimum survival skill you need to acquire(In Nigeria actually) . Under normal circumstances, it should help you analyze situations, know how to prioritize, write reports, essays, use the computer, etc as all of these are assumed knowledge. I said under normal circumstances because Education in Nigeria is nothing within normal circumstances. Just cram properly, regurgitate during exams and maintain status quo until you have a 2-1. That’s if your confidence has not been watered down by your lecturers. It gets even worse if you’re like me who was in a jealous department where you don’t have time for any other thing apart from books or you get kicked out. Well, except a few boys to keep your sanity. Hehehe.

So, after graduation, you think having an MSc degree would make life easier and increase your chances of employment. That’s absolutely right and very wrong at the same time. Thing is, many of us as fresh graduates do not know the right place where we will be perfect fits in the industries other than what has been taught in schools. Most of those lecturers are not being realistic and think the world ends within the four walls of the school. Very few of them have had real life work experience too

    For Msc right after Undergrad, it’s one of two things -you either continue with your undergrad course of study or you pick something entirely new. Having an MSc in your undergrad course of study is right only if you’ve made up your mind and maintained peace with yourself that you’ll be a teacher or lecturer else, it’s not necessarily an added advantage in most industries except for academics. If that is the case, by all means, please, pursue a PhD degree even. 

    The fact that you have a Bachelor’s in Law doesn’t even say you must have a master’s degree in it. You just might get stuck for all you know. Picking a new or different course too is not a bad idea but for it to play to your advantage, you have to make sure you’ve done a wide research on the it so you are sure of its usefulness to your choice country and how it will fit into your future career path. If not, you might just be in for the shocker of your life. 

    One thing however, that I have observed from people who go ahead with postgrad studies right after Undergrad is that they’re usually in a special phase. They’re not working class but are a step ahead of being students. I’ve also noticed that they seem to not know how to sync the real world with school work. A clear example is me hooking up with one of my old friends and all we talked about were our undergrad lecturers. Another went as far as asking me if I did a particular stuff in OAU. Baby girl, OAU was 6 years ago and I’m totally over it.

     Now, if the decision is to work(you can get stuck doing some jobs though) for a while before going for a postgrad-an idea which I totally go with-,  you get to know what you don’t know or better put -what you really want to do with your life. Maybe it’s an MSc or MBA or PhD 😂. Easier said than done right?  I know. 

    I’m stuck here.

    Finally.. Get the right set of people to guide you. Not the ones who just want to live their youthful fantasies through you. 

    Need I say more? 

    What do you think? You know what to do. Drop your comments below.😂 

    Xoxo

    Posted in Life, Random

    Randoms

    Holla Holla. 

    I’m not loyal, I know. I haven’t been loyal to myself this past couple of weeks sef. Some random musings as an apology? 

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    I think the funniest thing I’ve done this past week was forgetting my slip on at my client’s. I don’t have a car. But I still want to do maximum shakara. So I have a permanent pair of heels in a locker at my client’s at any point in time. I go to work in slip on or sandals. Problem however is..the pair of shoes at the office is black-universal color ;you know? I change footwears upon my arrival at the office. 

    To make my issue more complicated, there are days when I don’t deem the black heels proper for my outfit that day. Puhleeze, I want to look chic. So, I go with an extra pair of shoes in my bag (red, brown or Grey as the case may be).

    There are days when these chic look puts me into trouble. Like today. I closed so early from work to get to the hospital (malaria baby) and I forgot my slip on at the office!  Izzequal to heels until I get home. In a PT ffs! I wanted to request for uber but there was a 4* surge so, I damned the consequence-of my legs paining me and people watching me as I hustle for a keke. I was extra nice to my fellow keke mates sha 😂 😂. One of my friends said it’s an irony to wear a human hair in a PT. Lolll. Girl, bye.

    If you see a girl in a Navy blue dress with a brooch at the cleavage area and a pair of tomato red shoes, Holla. It just might be me.

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    I’m beginning to have a mental shift out of this country. Like my body is here but my spirit has long left Nigeria. No, it’s not in Togo. Not Benin Republic. Not even South Africa abeg 👀. 

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    My mind is in the country where milk and honey flows. I don’t believe milk and honey flows in any African country, truth be told. What do you think, having oyinbo air brush my skin?  Lol. Automatic black American /Canadian /yadayada. Everything is oyinbo. I sha want to gerrarahia.  With current happenings in this country, I’ve lost all hope completely. I want to have hope from the other continents -Asia is canceled, please. 

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    I will be writing my final ACCA exam in the next three weeks but reading for it is currently my biggest challenge. It’s like really hoping for something to happen but getting scared when it comes nearer. Pray for me guys. 

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    I finally moved into my new apartment. Like for real. Squatted with Ebun for weeks but it’s all history now. 

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    Nothing else to say

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    Nothing else to say

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    Xoxo