Posted in Random

Village people hot on the chase 

Holla Holla. 

And like my mum calls whatsapp,’whozzop’ people? 😂 😂. I’m a naughty child.. I know. God forbid!  My kids won’t be naughty. Back to the sender. Please, stop cussing me. Thank you! 

I want to say something about a slightly sensitive issue today. Before I go on, let me give you the gist. 

My mum sews bag souvenirs. Anything bags. For corporate events, parties, schools, etc like food packs, laptop bags, school bags, traveling bags,bags and bags and bags. This is an advert by the way. So you guys planning your weddings or burial ceremonies of the older generations, come and patronize us.

I digress. 

She employs tailors who makes these bags for her. They work Mondays to Saturdays, 9am-6pm. There was this woman she employed recently (about a year ago) who is one of her best employees -mummy Victor. She had some challenges with her business for a while and wasn’t able to get something doing for a really long time until she got a spot at my mum’s. 

Last weekend when I went home, my mum had this gist for me that mummy Victor wants to negotiate her time and salary with her. 

Time –  To resume the shop at 12noon and close by 5pm.

Salary – To be cut down by the number of hours per day she doesn’t come to work.

I was quite shocked because truth be told, she’s quite good at what she does and doesn’t misbehave like others so, it was just normal for one to know what she wants to sacrifice her time(money) for. 

She eventually opened up to us. She’s going through some family challenges and when she talked to ‘pastor’ about it, he told her God wasn’t happy with her. What did she do?  Wait for it….. 

Apparently, before she got her job, the church was her home. Morning to night. Talk about using the house of the Lord as the home of your spirit (literal translation of ‘fi ilé olórun see ibùgbé èmí re’)  but she’s not been in church as frequently as before because of her new job which by the way, isn’t new any longer. He reminded her that before she got this job, she was always coming to church but that one thing she asked from God is now taking her away from him. All the while she was saying these, my mind was like ‘so, what did pasta sorry, Pastor say?’

Solution to her problem is that if out of the 5 working days in a week, she can give 4 days to God, things will go back to normal. By give -he means attending morning and evening church meetings. Morning meetings are from 7-12am and evening meetings 6-9pm. Everyday. 

Lol.

Lol.

Lawlll.

I was confused but I’m sure my mum; being the employer was more confused. It’s like over-stretching the whole thing. Well, that’s how I see it. 

At this point, words are not flowing any more. 

So, people, what do you think?  Sincerely?

You know the drill. Drop your comments below.

Xoxo.

Posted in Random

Children’s day and my insecurities 

Although, I guess if I knew tomorrow, I guess I wouldn’t need faith 

I guess if I never fell, I guess I wouldn’t need grace 

I guess if I knew His plans I guess He wouldn’t be God – Jon Bellion 

At the moment, I’m in a bus heading for yaba from my parents’. And I just read a post from NSG on Instagram. You don’t know NSG??? You mean you don’t??  Oya,goan follow her sharp sharp.

Well, you can say her post inspired this post . 

The best thing I love doing with my mum whenever I’m home (other than playing pranks on her intentionally)  is watching children videos with her. When I say children videos, I mean kids dancing, singing on America’s got talent, mila, and the McClure twin girls. I love the way she says awww or ‘won n mu inu mi dun’ or ‘bo see ma n shey ni kekere niyen’. I love how her face lights up at the sight of them. I want to believe I just love seeing myself as a child with her. Her trophy child actually. She’s my safe place. I feel so much like a little girl when she’s around me. Sorry, my dad makes me realize I’m already an adult when he enters the picture and I just wanna remain a child. 

I digress. 

Today’s 27th of May.  Children’s day. And all I see(on TV) are kids on the track marching, playing games on the pitch and actually doing all sorts of kids stuff. 

Crazy money spent on these children’s day events yearly and rightly so. Even my church-Rhema chapel, celebrate these kids every year. We kinda leave the whole Sunday to them to take over -Sermon, choir ministration, choreography, drama, etc. Last year, I literally had tears welling up my eyes 👀 seeing some kids read as many as the whole of Psalm 119 which by the way, is the psalm with the longest number of verses, playing the saxophone, violin and so many mind-blowing instruments. 

The tears were partly because I was blown out of my mind and was so proud of them even though I wasn’t their parents. Also partly because my hormones(what’s the one for tears called?) rage at the slightest reason so, tears. But majorly, because that used to be me.

I remember watching a video with a colleague couple of months ago and after awwing and ahhing,  I told him that used to be me. You’re laughing right? That was the same thing he did!  You can’t believe it right?  Me neither.  So we can all laugh together. 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂. 

That’s actually not funny 😐 😐 :|.  At all.

In reality, it actually is. I was that child that everyone held in high esteem, from primary school right until I graduated from uni . The trophy child actually (I’m fanning myself right now).  Lol.  I could play the guitar, I was as fast as a hare when running, my brain was so photographic (I have to read stuff many times in order to remember these days) and even I was like the reference point to others. Lawlll. I actually believe it’s the same for so many 90s kids.

But a couple of years down the line, what do we have? I don’t even know how to play anything any longer(other than the notes). 

I wasn’t joking in my last post when I said I never thought I would still be here. Don’t get me wrong o, I’m not doing badly. At all. Well, atleast. I only expected to bhpe very much farther down my journey based on all I put up here. And like many others, when I hit 25, it was like a big slap on my face. It kind of jolted me to reality of what my expected and actual was and I could see a huge variance. And I’m not lying when I say it was at that point that it was as if I didn’t even know what I was doing again. Like -babe, what exactly is the plan? Not like I even know what tomorrow says sef. One step at a time, baby. 

So, it brings me to asking if we aren’t lying to these kids. Hailing them and saying they’re the leaders of tomorrow, going to go farther than the skies, bla bla bla.. Yadayada yadayada.. 

Which brings me to my insecurities with kids (I’m all transparent right now). I think my biggest insecurities about having kids will be being scared of the uncertainties. Like what if they don’t make it the way we raise them? What if everything is just a joke?  What If I’m just cheering them on because the only the only reason is because I can only hope for them to be everything. Just hope. 

I worry too much, I know but that is indeed what life exactly is about. Plenty uncertainties. The best I can do is to pray for my future children everyday. I’ve put them in God’s hands even when I can’t wrap my head around things. 

Happy Children’s day everyone. 

😘 😘 

Posted in Uncategorized

Me- Random facts

Where flowers bloom, so does hope. 

Whozza!!! 
So, I’m on leave -exam leave and it’s gotten to a point where this reading is beginning to seem like a punishment. Ameannnnn… This isn’t life, truth be told. September,please come already (those who know, know 😂). 

What better way to make myself feel better than writing these random facts about myself? So, here I go. 

  1. You already know my name, age,state of origin, so,,, number two 😂.
  2. I am Mel-san. I like to believe I’m more of melancholic though because the sanguine part of me comes out when I’m with people. Once I’m alone, I switch to default mode so, I love hanging around people a lot. You know that thing they say about you’re who you are when no one is looking. Yep.
  3. I am a very shy person. Not so friendly too. Well, until I get to know the environment then I unleash myself. Lol. I’m working on the friendliness part which I think I’m making tremendous progress.
  4. Once I like you, I like you. I can’t say I really have what I like in someone. Once we just connect, we’re good to go. This transcends tribe, religion or race. It’s an exception when it comes to dating though. Mo wà pàtíkúlà.
  5. I could be very petty sometimes. This goes out to people who say they’ve never seen me angry or that I don’t take things to heart. I do. Sometimes. It only depends on how much you(or it) mean(s) to me before I get angry over it. I did something sometime ago. On my birthday, one of my my best friends didn’t call me and when I asked her why, she said her husband already called me= she’s already called me. So, on her birthday, I didn’t call her. I told her she has to chill for when my (future)husband calls her so=I already called her. Petty?  I know. When you’re so close to me and you hurt me, it feels like you tore out my heart. Literally. 
  6. I loveeeee wakabout. As long as you’re game, I am. I just hope I have enough time and money to travel around the world.
  7. Most prized people?  My parents(mum actually).  I don’t think I can handle life without her. 
  8. I don’t have a best anything -food, color, friend, music, hair style, anything. I just go with the flow or how I feel like at the moment. 
  9. My greatest challenge and personal problem is worry. Mehn.. I worry a lot. I’m a professional at it. I worry about tomorrow, my future husband, my career, the party I’ll throw for my mum on her 60th, heck, what my children (twins abi triplets) will be when they grow up. I’m trying my best to leave that bit for God to take care of. I don’t even have control over those things! 
  10. I don’t have the capacity to hate someone or stop talking to someone because of whatever. I air my grievances when I have the chance to, even if you’re not sorry about it. An exception is when I can’t get you out of my head or you’re beginning to become toxic to me. Also, if I’m supposed to get angry over something you did wrong but I didn’t, chances are that I’ve really cried about it and forgiven you. It might still hurt sha.
  11. I am not a people pleaser. My emotions are usually written on my face and you could read it if I’m chatting with you. Like me if you want, but I don’t know how to kiss arse for the sake of me. I could learn though. 😂 
  12. I would really love to go to Paris someday. Talk about the city of love. 😍 😍 😍.  Okay, that’s not true. My friend went there and she won’t stop talking about it! 
  13. I am a work-in-progress. Truth be told, I never thought I’d still be here. I thought I’d have gone sooooo much farther by now so,until finished product. Amen. 
  14. Finally, I’m a sucker for hope. Hopelessly hopeful. Where flowers bloom, so does hope. I believe strongly that God causes all things to work together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose for them. Romans 8:28

Do you think there’s something else about me that I might have missed(good or bad) ?  Please drop your comments below.😂 😂.  I know. It’s like a feedback. 

Xoxo. 

Posted in Reviews

My Lekki Conservation center experience 

Holla Holla everyone. 

Long time no see abi?  I know. I know. I’ve been sooooo busy. Busier than the busy bee. It’s our busy season at work coupled with the fact that exams are coming up in a month so, baby girl has been reading. 

Life right now is me going to work during the week -read in between -lectures during weekends and on and on it goes. That phase is almost over.. I know. Even I can’t wait.. Jesus didn’t die for my sins just so I can be living my life like that. 

So, just to let off some steam and all, I went to the Lekki Conservation center over the weekend. I actually planned to go before now but nowadays, getting me out of my house is serious business. Not like I do anything spectacular at home other than sleep, sleep and more sleep. I forgot. Eat too. Did I mention that I’ve crossed over to a size 8? Somebody shout Hallelujah! The Lord finally did it.. 😂 

It’s been a while I got excited about a trip like this. I was giggling all through the ride to LCC. I had initially googled and read reviews of people who had gone there before now so I knew I was going to have a great day. 

I went there with a friend who’s not a Nigerian- he’s French so I had this patriotic pride on. He’s been wanting to do the whole Waka about around Lagos since he’d be saying bye bye 👋 to Nigeria in a couple of months and this felt like a perfect time.

First stop was at the entrance where we were directed to a reception to get our tickets. The ticket to see the conservation center was for a thousand Naira (1,000) and another thousand Naira (1,000) to do the canopy walk. 

The LCC is 28 years old and was donated by Chevron. The tour guide said it was bought for N80,000 at the time. I’m so sure there was a zero return on investment for a really long time. 

It’s no bother if you intend going alone because you have to wait for about 30minutes(Nigerian time)  for a large number of people to gather before going into the park. I didn’t feel too good about the waiting period until I got into the park and saw that it was really not a bad idea. 

It took us about 8-10 minutes to walk into the park then we got to some point where there was a separate path for those who wanted to do the canopy walk. The walk was restricted to people of ages 14 to 65. Guysss!! Even though I don’t think I would want to do the canopy walk again, it is like the highlight of the entire center. It’s the longest canopy walk in Africa and second highest in the world after the one in Malaysia. It’s about 401 meters long and has about 6 towers with entry and exit portals. Not more than 6 people were allowed to walk through each canopy at the same time because of the effect of the weight of people as the canopy swayed. Your home girl was just screaming all through the walk. My friend had walked through the one in Malaysia so he was more like a pro at this thing. In all honesty, I don’t think a 60 year old should step on that canopy. Òtá grandma èyàn lè lo ní heart attack!  I felt so close to heaven at some point. Lol. I wish. I sha took a picture at the end of the walk. I can’t be screaming anyhow with nothing to show for it. 

I took the picture just at the end of the canopy. Baby girl can’t come and die 

Next stop was the floor games- majorly chess, draught, lawn tennis. I don’t think the games were done for anyone to really play because ain’t no one got time to play chess while standing for hours. Except for the volleyball ball court -maybe. 

After here, we went to the fish ponds -two major ones. A tilapia and koi pond. I have never seen a koi fish or any specie so beautiful as it so it was definitely a first time. The tour guide said it wasn’t edible but I guessed he has never seen someone eat it before. Wetin Nigerians no fit chop?  I didn’t get a clear picture of the fishes so, nothing to post. 

There were empty family huts that could accommodate 6-8 people at a time. So, it’s a good place for family hang outs, birthdays and even photo shoots. 

It’s not a zoo, so we didn’t see many animals around save for monkeys and a crocodile that came out to play 😂. Plus, it was so sunny so, most of the animals go to hide under the shade. 

Next stop was the tree house. This was another part of the center I enjoyed. My tour group was sooooo lively that even if you had plans of being an onlooker, you would change your mind. Plus, this life is too short not to do all of these things while you can!

The tree house is about 32feet above the ground and about 60 climbs to get to the top. I gave the tour guide to make a video of me climbing. The view was sooooo beautiful at the top. Very cool and serene. Made me feel like I was out of this noisy Lagos. I put my signature on one of the trees sha. DAMMY AASA WAS HERE. 😂.  Took me back memory lane of my secondary school days. I took pictures with the group at the top of the tree but since I don’t know them and didn’t ask for their permission, I won’t be posting their pictures. Mi o le wa je gbese. 

After the tree house, there were some bird houses that I didn’t bother to check. At this point, I was too tired. The walk back to the entrance seemed even longer than when we were coming. I kept hitting my foot on the floor. 

The entire walk through the center -without a stop – was about 2hours 45minutes. I enjoyed it. For real. I got home and just slept through the rest of the day. Veryyyyyy necessary. 

Quick tips if you want to go to LCC

  •  Don’t go when the weather is bad. Everywhere would be slippery and you’ll definitely not be allowed to do the canopy walk which is actually the greatest fun (to me anyway)
  • Go with water. Water and lots of water. I went with a bottle of juice and I regretted it. I could have swapped it for a bottle of water if I possible 
  • Preferably, put on a pair of sneakers and shorts/trousers -if you’re a lady. If you don’t do trousers, atleast, put on a pair of panty hose beneath your gown or skirt so you can do the climb 
  • There’s a  barbecue/suya spot at the center but you can go with your snacks if you like. People could be very many at the barbecue spot. 

Did I enjoy it?  Of course. That’s like stating the obvious even. 

What do you think?  Would you love to go to LCC?  I would love to hear from you. 

Up the tree house 

Posted in Life

Of Scammers and real owners 

Whozza! 

Holla Holla.. 

I trust you’re doing well.. If so, Doxology 😂. 

Today’s title is a real life story. My friend told me to go ahead to publish it. 

 DISCLAIMER!

I was laughing when he gave me the gist but now, I’ve lost steam so, don’t blame me if you don’t find it as funny as I did.
How many of you think because you live in Lagos (or Nigeria sef), you can’t get Scammed?  Ameannnnn.. Nigeria has practically ‘torn’ people’s eyes so, how can’t you be immune to scams? 

So, my friend, call him Bobo, got a scholarship for his MSc in January(BTW, I couldn’t contain my joy for him) in the US so, off to America he went. 

You know the general thought that once your friend is outside Nigeria and receiving excessive cold into his body, he’s made for life and he automatically has tarty-million for the akant? I think that was what bobo’s friends thought. Plus, we already have a friend in the ‘abroad’ so, let us start buying from Amazon ;our friend will bring it or find a way of sending it to Naija for us. That’s the only part I like sha. 

Bobo’s friend, call him  Ade, tells Bobo that he saw an iPhone on a US online store and would like him to help buy it then send to Naija. The deal was obviously very good. $275 for an iPhone plus it’s from Amerika. 

Bobo rings up the phone seller,they negotiate and reach an agreement for Bobo to wire half of the money and after the guy sends the phone via post, the 50% balance would be transferred to the seller. Sounds fair enough By the way, it’s quite a distance between the seller and Bobo. 

Some 30-40 minutes later, Bobo gets a picture of the seller sending the picture of the phone at the post office and he thought 💭 deal was done so he did what?  He transferred the 50% balance to the seller. Good boy! 

1 hour later… No phone. Well, it could be the ‘traffic’. You know there could be ‘hold up’ in oyinbo land too.

2 hours later, Phone is yet to appear. It’s like the guy sent the phone to a wrong mail box ‘ so Bobo in the infinite wisdom given to him by God, decides to call Mr seller. Guess what? 

Just guess naw.. 
 Scammer Seller had blocked bobo’s number. He dialed it a second time..same thing. That was when he knew he had been scammed. 

Hehehe.  What a way to say welcome to America! This happened in his first month of arrival. 

Did I remember to tell you Bobo was trying to be a good friend by helping Ade buy the phone with his money for him to be later refunded? Apparently, his money which he used was not really his.. It was someone else’s money 💵. Talk about double double. 😂. 

That was a wrong emoticon. It should have been 😐 😐 

If I was the one something like that happened to , I would go to the rest room to purge.. My stomach would get upset for no reason before the tears start flowing. Because in my mind, I’ll be like

  • First of, GOD!  WHY DID YOU ABANDON ME?
  • So……., the person whose money I used to buy Ade’s phone, he’s not the real owner? Because, the real owner just came to collect his money. You get? 
  • How could I be scammed?  Me? A whole Lagos girl. Most Lagosians are naturally paranoid. Before a Lagos girl does something, she’d have thought of a thousand what-ifs before settling for the positives.
  • Then I’ll settle for the real tears. Forgerrit, it’s definitely going to fill a bucket then I’ll probably sleep off, then wake up the following morning to confirm if what happened the night before was for real. 
  • Then I would probably console myself and say something like ‘the scammer has kukuma taken all my sorrows away’. There’s always two ways of seeing things. Talmbout angu!

Then life as I know it will continue. After all, t’ésin bá dani, a máa túuň gùn ni. I don’t know how to translate it. Sorry ma/sah.

Have you ever been scammed in a strange land or new place before?  I would love to hear from you. 

You know the drill, drop a comment. 

Xoxo.

Posted in Uncategorized

Hip-hop and other drugs 

Holla.

Welcome to your favorite story telling channel -tales by phone-light 😂 😂. 

Today is about hip-hop and others. What were you thinking?  Hip-hop as in genre of music?  Hehehehe. So, you don’t know that hip-hop now has a lot of meanings?  Could mean music just like cucumber is a fruit. 😂 😂. 

You’re lost,  I know.  I know the look on someone’s face when he’s lost. 

Apparently, I’m becoming an old-school. I graduated from Uni 5 years ago and I can’t believe I don’t know what’s going on in my immediate environs any longer. 

I went to meet Alvin to make my hair immediately after work today. He had almost finished installing my hair when this girl (about 18 years old)  came in with guy who’s obviously a yaba boy. Why are you asking me how I know he’s a yaba boy?  When you know, you know. 😂 

Both had their hands locked in the other’s. Then she asked Alvin for the ‘stuff’. Alvin gives her and the yaba boy pays him some money I didn’t know the amount. It was after they had left that Alvin started advertising his wares to me. He told me what the girl came to buy was hip-hop (atleast that was I thought he said). It was when he stated the function of hip-hop that my ‘inner eyes ‘ opened. Let me quickly run you through his services. 

1. Hip-hop – A drug that can help you grow hips. Goes for 3k. You use it for a week then you see the effects. Almost immediately. Alvin says it’ll look like Nicki Minaj’s own. How true that is, I can’t say. Obviously, it’s not hip-hop. It’s hip-up.

The hip-hop I know 

The hip-hop Alvin is talmbout 😂 

2. Breast pumping (enlargement) – He showed me one machine that can- in his words – ‘make your breast touch Okada man’s back ‘ when you’re riding a bike 🚲. It looked like a machine that pumps air into football. I’m not sure what it pumps into people’s breasts though. Goes for #35k.

3. Chewing gum – At this point, I’m going to sigh deeply. O su mi mehn. 

This is the chewing gum I’m used to. Okay, I’m not saying the entire truth. Orbit is N250 so I can’t be used to it because my friends and colleagues won’t buy theirs but will beg from me until it finishes. I’m used to Banana chewing gum (the one that has questions on the wrapper) and sprint. 😂. If you don’t know those two, just give me your lunch money for a week. 

I don’t have a picture of the chewing gum Alvin is talking about but apparently, Alvin’s chewing gum is an aphrodisiac. When you (as a girl) chew it and have sex with your significant other, he’ll “never leave your side forever and ever”. This one is for #1k.

First of, do people have any idea of what they’re ingesting for these purposes?  You pop in pills as cheap as 3k and you expect zero side effects in future? For what exactly? 

Secondly and most importantly, love yourself!  Love yourself. It can’t be overemphasized. Who are you doing this radarada hip up for that your life doesn’t matter to you? Ehn?  

Anyone that makes you dim your light or change (your body)  for him/her will never be satisfied because you keep changing until you no longer recognize yourself. 

If you care to know, it’s not just my hair stylist who sells these o. A lot of guys under Ikeja bridge do the same. From giving you pink lips to penis enlargement (yes o, they do that too.Wonder working powers of Ikeja under bridge).

Please, if you don’t love your body, atleast, love yourself and remember that ‘your body is the temple of the Living God ‘. You don’t own it.

Have you ever had this experience?  Please, share. I’d love to hear from you. 

Hips up 😂 😂 

Xoxo 


P.s- Alvin is one of the best hair stylists in yaba. Tested. Proven fact. He didn’t pay for the advert oo.

Posted in Uncategorized

Lagos Landlords 

All my life, I never thought I would leave my parent’s house before I got married to live on my own. It was like an abomination. No one had ever done that in my family in the past. But hey. I’m the pace setter. The rule breaker. 

Luckily for me, I got a job in Lagos, many kilometers away from where my parents built the family house. Still, I stayed with a family friend – Oghale for four wonderful months until she got married. Unfortunately for my parents (I don’t think it’s a fortunate situation for me anyway),  I don’t have aunties or uncles in Lagos. Left to my parents,they would have made me stay at one of these extended family members’ if possible sef. Oh well. 

I always thought that once you had your money, it would be easy for you to get the house of your choice easily. So, you can imagine my shock when after telling my agent I had N300k as my budget, he took me to this poverty-stricken looking, shrine look-alike house as the equivalent of my rent’s worth. This was at yaba o( I couldn’t even dream of living on the island with that salary ). Safe to even say some of these houses have no water -you have to buy a drum where you literally buy water for keeps. Show me those primary school teachers who told us water was a free/ natural resource. Amean….it’s annoying. Some other houses are called ‘flats’ but are actually built in face-me-i-face-you pattern. You literally can see everything your neighbor is doing. The annoying one is your window leading into someone else’s compound.  

Like you’re actually in the same house but not really in the same house. You’re confused?  So am I! 

Come two years after your stay in the house, wait for it… Your landlord increases your rent by 80-100% with zero improvement or renovation in the house o. 

There was even the story of a landlord I heard, he wanted to turn the two shops outside the tenants’ house to a flat so, he removed the roof off the tenants’ house, leaving just the asbestos. 😂 😂.  How crazy could that be? 

I think there should be laws against house owners doing whatever they liked which is not in favor of their tenants. Most Landlords know Accommodation in Lagos is a big deal and feel they can get away with anything.

I think it’s an individual issue. So many people’s lack empathy and act like they won’t have children of their own. Plus, tables turn anyway so.. Just that some of these people might not be alive to see the tables turn to their directions. 

Do you have a Lagos landlord story you’d like to share?  You know what to do. I would love to hear from you. 

Xoxo.

P.S- One of the Landlord cases is my experience 😂