I watched real talk on NdaniTV yesterday with Keturah King and a bunch of others and I must say that inspired this post. So basically, it’s going to be a mix of the talk and my thoughts.
I’ll be ranting about women rivalry and the truthfulness in their support.
To start with, I am building a career in a corporate firm where we have the female to male ratio in about 60/40 so, I have a lot of female colleage and bosses so, I can say these things are what I see on a daily basis. I can actually get away with 70/30 even. There was a day one of my male colleagues was telling me that the problem with the corporate world and the family units is because us women have taken over the jobs from the men. That’s gist for another day by the way.
I am all for competitive rivalry which I think is healthy (until it no longer is) and learning stuff from people but at what point does it become unhealthy among women?
I have heard people mention that women are less empathetic to their fellow women than their male counterparts and more often than not, when a female boss is acting all bitchy, first thing I’m asked is if she’s married. If I say no,then that’s why she’s bitchy;she’s probably not getting laid enough(I have an unpopular opinion that unmarried folks get laid frequently than their married counterparts). If they are married, then I get to be asked if they have kids.. If they don’t ;that’s why. If they do, their marriage is probably not a happy one. Lol. People just keep looking for ways to justify the cause of the beef or rivalry.
Everything I’ll be ranting here might be an apology for women but it’s just what I feel.
Women rivalry can come from the smallest things to the biggest issues. Funny as it sounds, it could be as petty as another woman’s makeup 💄 or hair finer than hers or having bigger boobs and bums to having brilliant children to making big career moves.
There’s a way people project their insecurities onto others by becoming cranky and so displeasedr by others’ work. Keturah gave the instance of her colleague who was very good at whatever she does but always has a problem with her(K’s) work. At some point K had to ask why she acts so grumpy and she was like – you’re pretty, slim, dark, good at what you do. When I heard that, I was like wtf? Talk about being petty! Girl, you are good at what you do but if you want to be slim, you need to hit the gym. Earn it! Lol.
First of, I think it’s a personality problem. As much as I want to believe it’s gender based, I believe guys go through the same thing albeit in a different manner.
Which brings me to a tweet I saw on Twitter. It said that girls write mushy things for each other on their birthdays but we all know they have serious beef for each other. Lol. That was so apt because some days back, a friend who I haven’t heard from in like 4 years, wrote a lovely message on my wall on how she appreciates my friendship and yadayada. It was our friendversary on Facebook. I love stuffs like that so it made me feel mushy but I couldn’t help but wonder the truth in all the stuff she wrote. Even Mark Zuckerberg is part of the people causing this wahala. So, I really don’t take people too seriously (in this part of the world) when they put up pictures and hashtags #Womensupportingwomen on IG. What support actually? Did you help her business or how exactly are you supporting her other than putting up her picture? I personally think it is what it is – An hashtag.
There’s this thing that happens in Nigeria that when a woman drives and fails to allow a male driver overtake or if she’s so slow on a fast moving lane,people go- oh, she’s a woman. That’s why she’s sluggish. Right from Primary school, when a girl takes the first position, some fathers ask their sons why they would allow the girl come first. This has kind of translated into the real world, fast forward to many years later, some women don’t want to be seen as slow or being slack. It’s like saying one woman slacks, all women slack so, deal with it. So, they try to get the extra validation and try not to cut the slack for other women as if they’re saying – I’m trying my best. If people will say women are slow, it won’t be because of me. I’m pulling my own weight ;please do your bit. This thing is however stripping women of their humanity and empathy. It’s the reason why a pregnant woman will tell her manager she doesn’t want to do some jobs and the manager goes- Pregnancy is not sickness. I was pregnant and I did this and this and this. Inhumane much?
There’s also the angle where you get to balance some things. It’s already a mental note that women are bitchy so, it becomes an issue when a woman is nice. When she’s trying to be a good person, she gets the look of trying too hard, famzing or eye service. This is another reason why I say it’s a personality thing. I’m going to be sincere with you- I get very uncomfortable when someone is too nice. Like, you never get angry. Lol. No sir.It’s probably because I’m not so nice ;not even these days that I don’t care about a lot of things (but I care in my closet) and that’s another reason why I say it’s a personality thing.
Then there’s also like a window phase for women. Let me explain. At some point, a woman needs to slow down in order to get married, start a family and take care of the kids. Life is so much easier now that everyone has helps and in some cases, machines. One still cannot hide the fact that it slows a woman’s career at some point. This alone makes her act like ; I have just this short while to kiss ass and trust me,this also contributes to her bitchiness.
Question now is, how can the situation be helped? How can it be controlled?
For me, this competition has moved on to rivalry which is very unhealthy. Very.
What do you guys think? You know what to do. Drop a comment below.