Posted in Life

Women supporting women and Rivalry 

Hey people. 

Whozzop??? 

I watched real talk on NdaniTV yesterday with Keturah King and a bunch of others and I must say that inspired this post. So basically, it’s going to be a mix of the talk and my thoughts. 

I’ll be ranting about women rivalry and the truthfulness in their support. 

To start with, I am building a career in a corporate firm where we have the female to male ratio in about 60/40 so, I have a lot of female colleage and bosses so, I can say these things are what I see on a daily basis. I can actually get away with 70/30 even. There was a day one of my male colleagues was telling me that the problem with the corporate world and the family units is because us women have taken over the jobs from the men. That’s gist for another day by the way. 

I am all for competitive rivalry which I think is healthy (until it no longer is) and learning stuff from people but at what point does it become unhealthy among women? 

I have heard people mention that women are less empathetic to their fellow women than their male counterparts and more often than not, when a female boss is acting all bitchy, first thing I’m asked is if she’s married. If I say no,then that’s why she’s bitchy;she’s probably not getting laid enough(I have an unpopular opinion that unmarried folks get laid frequently than their married counterparts). If they are married, then I get to be asked if they have kids.. If they don’t ;that’s why. If they do, their marriage is probably not a happy one. Lol. People just keep looking for ways to justify the cause of the beef or rivalry.

Everything I’ll be ranting here might be an apology for women but it’s just what I feel. 

Women rivalry can come from the smallest things to the biggest issues. Funny as it sounds, it could be as petty as another woman’s makeup 💄 or hair finer than hers or having bigger boobs and bums to having brilliant children to making big career moves.

There’s a way people project their insecurities onto others by becoming cranky and so displeasedr by others’ work. Keturah gave the instance of her colleague who was very good at whatever she does but always has a problem with her(K’s) work. At some point K had to ask why she acts so grumpy and she was like – you’re pretty, slim, dark, good at what you do.  When I heard that, I was like wtf? Talk about being petty!  Girl, you are good at what you do but if you want to be slim, you need to hit the gym. Earn it! Lol. 
First of, I think it’s a personality problem. As much as I want to believe it’s gender based, I believe guys go through the same thing albeit in a different manner. 

Which brings me to a tweet I saw on Twitter. It said that girls write mushy things for each other on their birthdays but we all know they have serious beef for each other. Lol. That was so apt because some days back, a friend who I haven’t heard from in like 4 years, wrote a lovely message on my wall on how she appreciates my friendship and yadayada. It was our friendversary on Facebook. I love stuffs like that so it made me feel mushy but I couldn’t help but wonder the truth in all the stuff she wrote. Even Mark Zuckerberg is part of the people causing this wahala. So, I really don’t take people too seriously (in this part of the world)  when they put up pictures and hashtags #Womensupportingwomen on IG. What support actually?  Did you help her business or how exactly are you supporting her other than putting up her picture? I personally think it is what it is – An hashtag.
There’s this thing that happens in Nigeria that when a woman drives and fails to allow a male driver overtake or if she’s so slow on a fast moving lane,people go- oh, she’s a woman. That’s why she’s sluggish. Right from Primary school, when a girl takes the first position, some fathers ask their sons why they would allow the girl come first. This has kind of translated into the real world, fast forward to many years later, some women don’t want to be seen as slow or being slack. It’s like saying one woman slacks, all women slack so, deal with it. So, they try to get the extra validation and try not to cut the slack for other women as if they’re saying – I’m trying my best. If people will say women are slow, it won’t be because of me. I’m pulling my own weight ;please do your bit. This thing is however stripping women of their humanity and empathy. It’s the reason why a pregnant woman will tell her manager she doesn’t want to do some jobs and the manager goes- Pregnancy is not sickness. I was pregnant and I did this and this and this. Inhumane much? 

There’s also the angle where you get to balance some things. It’s already a mental note that women are bitchy so, it becomes an issue when a woman is nice. When she’s trying to be a good person, she gets the look of trying too hard, famzing or eye service. This is another reason why I say it’s a personality thing. I’m going to be sincere with you- I get very uncomfortable when someone is too nice. Like, you never get angry. Lol.  No sir.It’s probably because I’m not so nice ;not even these days that I don’t care about a lot of things (but I care in my closet) and that’s another reason why I say it’s a personality thing. 

Then there’s also like a window phase for women. Let me explain. At some point, a woman needs to slow down in order to get married, start a family and take care of the kids. Life is so much easier now that everyone has helps and in some cases, machines. One still cannot hide the fact that it slows a woman’s career at some point. This alone makes her act like ; I have just this short while to kiss ass and trust me,this also contributes to her bitchiness. 

Question now is, how can the situation be helped?  How can it be controlled? 

For me, this competition has moved on to rivalry which is very unhealthy. Very. 

What do you guys think?  You know what to do. Drop a comment below. 

Xoxo. 

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Posted in Life

Happy birthday Michael 

​Holla guys!

Another week. Again. Lol. We move anyway. 

Today is Michael’s birthday. You remember Michael? The bus shuttle guy at Sabo. You still don’t remember him? Read about him on this post -https://aasadamilola.wordpress.com/2017/06/25/day-to-day-dealings-as-a-lagos-commuter/

He had told me two weeks ago, that his birthday was on the 18th. He also said he wouldn’t be shuttling for buses throughout that week because -birthday week. 

Funny thing is, he calls me Abi. The first time he asked for my name, I told him it was Dammy but I guess he caught Abi so,that’s my new name yo!

I used to feel really embarrassed at the busstop when he just shouts ‘Aunty Abi’ and everyone turns back with a frantic look of- where did you meet this Agbero?  Now, I’ve gotten used to it. He’s always cheerful, warm and most importantly, helps me get a seat at the busstop whenever there are scarce buses. 

I was however surprised this morning, when I got to the busstop to see him doing some bus hustling. Lol. He invited me to his birthday shindig actually. 

9am-12noon Birthday football 

4PM till late -Playing of instruments with plenty of drinks and food. Venue is makoko. 

I actually got to know that he plays instruments today (I don’t know which though). When I told him to take a selfie with me, he refused, that he wasn’t dressed up like a birthday boy. His hair said otherwise though. He didn’t forget to remind me of his birthday ‘something’. As always. Lol. Baby girl is too broke at the moment to give anyone birthday something. Told him to come back next week -you already know what date that is 😂. 

Happy birthday Michael. Here is wishing you a long life, prosperity and a prayer that all your dreams come true. 

P.S The bus I boarded just broke down on 3MB. Events like this will make me vex to get my car(other than the fact that I love my sleep too much to drive when there’s no traffic and I’m scared of car maintenance costs). 

Xoxo.

Posted in After school

Postgraduate studies before or after work experience 

Heyyyy guys! 

Whozza!! 

I want to scribble some thoughts on going for a postgraduate degree before or after some years of work experience. 

In Nigeria, if you’re lucky to finish your undergraduate studies before you hit your mid-twenties, you automatically have two choices. No, three actually. 

Get a job.

Go for Msc.

Get married. Lol

I did the second before I even thought of the first option. It’s not negotiable in my family where virtually everyone has a master’s degree so, it’s an unspoken action. Non-negotiable actually, except you want to be seen as a rebel 😂. I didn’t start thinking of the third until I started MSc so you know what box to put me in. 

However, now that I have some work experience, and I now know how the real world operates, I hold a different position from earlier. 

Having a BSc is like a minimum survival skill you need to acquire(In Nigeria actually) . Under normal circumstances, it should help you analyze situations, know how to prioritize, write reports, essays, use the computer, etc as all of these are assumed knowledge. I said under normal circumstances because Education in Nigeria is nothing within normal circumstances. Just cram properly, regurgitate during exams and maintain status quo until you have a 2-1. That’s if your confidence has not been watered down by your lecturers. It gets even worse if you’re like me who was in a jealous department where you don’t have time for any other thing apart from books or you get kicked out. Well, except a few boys to keep your sanity. Hehehe.

So, after graduation, you think having an MSc degree would make life easier and increase your chances of employment. That’s absolutely right and very wrong at the same time. Thing is, many of us as fresh graduates do not know the right place where we will be perfect fits in the industries other than what has been taught in schools. Most of those lecturers are not being realistic and think the world ends within the four walls of the school. Very few of them have had real life work experience too

    For Msc right after Undergrad, it’s one of two things -you either continue with your undergrad course of study or you pick something entirely new. Having an MSc in your undergrad course of study is right only if you’ve made up your mind and maintained peace with yourself that you’ll be a teacher or lecturer else, it’s not necessarily an added advantage in most industries except for academics. If that is the case, by all means, please, pursue a PhD degree even. 

    The fact that you have a Bachelor’s in Law doesn’t even say you must have a master’s degree in it. You just might get stuck for all you know. Picking a new or different course too is not a bad idea but for it to play to your advantage, you have to make sure you’ve done a wide research on the it so you are sure of its usefulness to your choice country and how it will fit into your future career path. If not, you might just be in for the shocker of your life. 

    One thing however, that I have observed from people who go ahead with postgrad studies right after Undergrad is that they’re usually in a special phase. They’re not working class but are a step ahead of being students. I’ve also noticed that they seem to not know how to sync the real world with school work. A clear example is me hooking up with one of my old friends and all we talked about were our undergrad lecturers. Another went as far as asking me if I did a particular stuff in OAU. Baby girl, OAU was 6 years ago and I’m totally over it.

     Now, if the decision is to work(you can get stuck doing some jobs though) for a while before going for a postgrad-an idea which I totally go with-,  you get to know what you don’t know or better put -what you really want to do with your life. Maybe it’s an MSc or MBA or PhD 😂. Easier said than done right?  I know. 

    I’m stuck here.

    Finally.. Get the right set of people to guide you. Not the ones who just want to live their youthful fantasies through you. 

    Need I say more? 

    What do you think? You know what to do. Drop your comments below.😂 

    Xoxo

    Posted in Life, Random

    Randoms

    Holla Holla. 

    I’m not loyal, I know. I haven’t been loyal to myself this past couple of weeks sef. Some random musings as an apology? 

    ***

    I think the funniest thing I’ve done this past week was forgetting my slip on at my client’s. I don’t have a car. But I still want to do maximum shakara. So I have a permanent pair of heels in a locker at my client’s at any point in time. I go to work in slip on or sandals. Problem however is..the pair of shoes at the office is black-universal color ;you know? I change footwears upon my arrival at the office. 

    To make my issue more complicated, there are days when I don’t deem the black heels proper for my outfit that day. Puhleeze, I want to look chic. So, I go with an extra pair of shoes in my bag (red, brown or Grey as the case may be).

    There are days when these chic look puts me into trouble. Like today. I closed so early from work to get to the hospital (malaria baby) and I forgot my slip on at the office!  Izzequal to heels until I get home. In a PT ffs! I wanted to request for uber but there was a 4* surge so, I damned the consequence-of my legs paining me and people watching me as I hustle for a keke. I was extra nice to my fellow keke mates sha 😂 😂. One of my friends said it’s an irony to wear a human hair in a PT. Lolll. Girl, bye.

    If you see a girl in a Navy blue dress with a brooch at the cleavage area and a pair of tomato red shoes, Holla. It just might be me.

    ******

    I’m beginning to have a mental shift out of this country. Like my body is here but my spirit has long left Nigeria. No, it’s not in Togo. Not Benin Republic. Not even South Africa abeg 👀. 

    *****

    My mind is in the country where milk and honey flows. I don’t believe milk and honey flows in any African country, truth be told. What do you think, having oyinbo air brush my skin?  Lol. Automatic black American /Canadian /yadayada. Everything is oyinbo. I sha want to gerrarahia.  With current happenings in this country, I’ve lost all hope completely. I want to have hope from the other continents -Asia is canceled, please. 

    ****

    I will be writing my final ACCA exam in the next three weeks but reading for it is currently my biggest challenge. It’s like really hoping for something to happen but getting scared when it comes nearer. Pray for me guys. 

    ****

    I finally moved into my new apartment. Like for real. Squatted with Ebun for weeks but it’s all history now. 

    ****

    Nothing else to say

    ****

    Nothing else to say

    ****

    Xoxo

    Posted in Life, Random

    Being friends with the ex

    Hello everyone. 

    Whozzop!? 

    Me, I’m preparing for my exam. Final exam, God-willing. You would think I would be so serious with my reading but guess what the title of today’s talk-talk is? Lol. You already know it.

    Straight up, I’ll be touching areas that has to do with the ex. Very short and spot on it will be, I promise. 

    I will definitely share my views after these.

    I am one who is all about being friends with an ex after you see that God’s plan (abi your plan) for you as a couple is over. Afterall, this life is not hard at all. 

    Which brings me to ask, are you a true friend in every sense of the word -friendship to him at that point?  Or your random jokes when you guys holla while chatting or speaking on phone is just to allow for thoughts of your past good memories and hopes of you getting back with each other? How happy are you for him when he moves ahead in life and you’re still stuck in the same position?  More like ;not moving as fast as you thought you would. 

    Plot twist, how would you feel when an ex(one you really liked btw) calls you out of the blues to say he was getting married?? 😂 😂.  Your happiness for him knows no bounds abi?

    So, what do you think?  Being friends with the ex, good or bad idea?  You know what to do. 
    Personally, I don’t think it’s a good idea. Well, it depends on how much you loved him. For what it’s worth, I don’t believe you can stop loving someone you’ve once loved, if that was true. 

    I will tell you what I would do if an ex calls to tell me he was getting married -I will congratulate him then go ahead to block him on all social media platforms. Lol. Harsh?  I know. But I don’t think you get to process something like that quick enough. Friends ke? Easier said than done. 

    That’s just me though. What do you think? 

    Do you and drop a comment. 

    Xoxo. 

    Posted in Life

    Death pangs and the feel

    Hello people. 

    Today is a sad one for me. Really sad actually. I must confess that it is very difficult for me to put this piece together.

    Usually, when I am home doing nothing other than sleep during the weekend, I go through social media and catch up with whatever I am missing. 

    It was a different one for me today because Facebook had Olumide had just one person’s face all over it. You guessed right -He died.

    Olumide and I were classmates at Ife and he was one of the brightest ones. We were close at some point in 100level and it was very obvious he had big plans for his future. We drifted apart after school because life happened to every one of us. While I changed career line to Finance through ACCA while studying for my MSc in UI, Olumide went to South Africa for his pre-Msc before he started his PhD. Communication was not really great but he tried his best to keep in touch through Facebook and Twitter. He visited about two IDP camps last year to share his ready to eat food in order to combat malnutrition. 

    So, you can imagine my shock when I read many tributes to him. This was someone I did catch up with two months with, including his plans, girls, etc. I still can’t believe he’s dead. The thing is, when one sees RIP on people’s pictures, one isn’t really moved probably because he’s not someone known to us. This was different because Olumide was my friend for the better part of my undergrad life. He had ‘sense’ in every meaning of the word. Words fail me, to be honest. 

    Sometimes, it seems like God doesn’t make sense even though I know He does but I can’t lie that Olumide’s death is not raising so many questions in my heart to God. 

    His death has also made me know life is real and death, even more. I am very scared.  More like -is this how people die?  Why would God allow him get to this stage before taking him?

    I know all hidden things are known to God, I just wish I could have answers to these questions. 

    I love you Olumide. I know you are in a better place now, at peace even.  I pray you rest in peace and God grants your family the fortitude to bear this loss.

    Kindly say a word of prayer for Olumide’s family. 

    Adieu Midy.

    Posted in Life, Reviews

    My half year review 😂 

    ​Holla Holla. 

    June has come.. Ended too. Most times, at the end of each year, I look back and it seems like I’ve done nothing all year. I probably get too overwhelmed trying to recall what I’ve done. And I know why. It’s usually because I (people)  don’t seem to know what I’ve done with my life if I’ve not reached some crazy landmarks -finish my exams, traveled many countries,achieved some land breaking feats, resigned from my job to start my business, etcetera. But hey, it’s fine.. Little drops of water make an ocean. So, I’ll be doing a monthly review of my year. Basically, how I coped this year.

    P.S This review started in January so, some stuffs might have been reversed before the end of the year. 

    P.S.S this is quite lengthy. 

    JANUARY 

    • 1st of January- For the first time in my life, I started the year on a bad,bleak and lonely note. I made a big decision prior to the 1st which was actually a big deal to me because I thought this was everything I had prayed for but well, life isn’t always perfect right??  Right???  You take some Ls sometimes. 

    And even though I was lodged in one of the costliest hotels in Abuja, it felt so sad,cold and everything in-between. I called my friend-call him B (he used to be the closest friend I had at some point) to give him a breakdown of what was going on with me -until talks between us took another interesting turn and I was like.. Okay, 2017 can do whatever it likes. 

    So, since I started the year on a bad note, I didn’t do any resolution radarada. I just wanted to be done with the year already. Lol. 

    • 3rd of January -Kabir traveled to the US for his MSc. I might not be lucky in so many things in this life but I’m darn lucky with my inner circle(friends) . There was a point where Kabir was the only one(read Ebun too)holding down the circle. His departure left me with a mixed feeling sort of – I was very happy he had a chance to chase his dreams. Boy never gives up but I also knew I’d really miss him. Like really really really. That US has stolen too many people from me abeg. He proved me wrong though because even with the annoying time zone/difference, he was still one phone call /whatsapp message/imo away. He was annoying sometimes too.  Many times actually. Plus he knows how to leave me alone when I’m not in a good mood. I’m just happy my friends are successful and living their dreams.

    28th- I went for this Irinajo trip to tarkwa bay. That was the beginning of my Waka about this year and boy did I love it! I met four people during the trip -two guys among them who eventually became my good friends.

    • Other days in January 

    Overall, it was a month I cried the most. It was just bleak for me kind of. Tears well up my eyes so quickly these days. But I wasn’t ready to let that make me bitter so,we move. I eventually came up with a resolution /to do list for the year. 

    FEBRUARY 

    For some days in the month,  I woke up like I was going to take over the world which I did. For other days, I woke up feeling tired and annoyed. My mood swings on me like that. For no reason. I used to think something was wrong with me until I spoke to someone about it and told me it was completely normal. On such days, I just pray in tongues(it works guys!)  and download a new album of an unknown artist. Works for me sha. All the time. Plus, I feel I have this trademark of God over me. One that says -‘Girl, you’re mine. I’m never letting you go.’ I felt this way a lot in February and God did come through.

    MARCH 

    I went on a getaway trip with a friend. Lollllll. Even I shock myself sometimes. He had been asking me for a time out since January so one day, I woke up and said -why not? It was by a beach side. Really beautiful. I didn’t regret it one bit. 

    Work became really crazy at some point too. Like back to back engagements. I almost broke into two. Lol. I couldn’t wait for the month to be over plus the next was my birthday month. Whoop whoop! 

    APRIL 

    Birthday month!  😂 😂 😂 I thought of what to do for my birthday this year and it was so hard making a choice. I had an option to either do a nice spa, photo shoot, travel to Dubai( a friend-who is French by the way,promised to cover most of my expenses) or do a photo shoot. I would have loved to go to Dubai o.. Just for a minute atleast but my head just kept spinning. What if I was kidnapped?  What if…. Have I mentioned how these what I ifs eventually rape me to making some funny decisions? Smh

    I eventually settled for a photoshoot. Make up by my home girl -Tobi. She glammed me up that I couldn’t even recognize myself 

    Finished product 

    I get a bit sober when it’s my birthday month. I really don’t know why. I went to shaunz bar with the girls(Jasmine and Jumoke) a day after my birthday but it didn’t really go as planned, though we had some fun. The used-to-be best friend of January- B also called me. It was a surprise kind of because I thought our friendship was done. But some friendships never die. I’m not exactly sure what ship it is even. Tbh, he made my day. Plus, he still has a way of making me blush 😂. But some things are better left unsaid. 

    22nd – Jasmine’s birthday. We went to celebrate her at Slay lounge. Did karaoke too. We literally counted down to her birthday-Mad fun. I got home past midnight and I raced to my house immediately the uber guy dropped me off. I love that girl and I can’t say why. She’s one of the few colleagues I can open up to,without shame and with all honesty. 

    Karaoke night 

    22nd– My baby girl Christy bagged her PhDLol. You’d have thought I was the owner of the degree. I was too happy mehn. I’m just so grateful my friends are successful in their areas. Trust me, if you’re the only successful one among your friends, it’d be so difficult for you to enjoy life. Well..except you change your friends sha. There’s one more person’s PhD I’m waiting out for. 😉 

    Dr Christy!

    MAY

    I started to house hunt. It’s a scary thing for a typical Lagosian. Just pray you find a house comfortable enough for you to live until you build your own house. Where I stay isn’t bad but the area is rough and even my dad won’t come for a visit until I moved. Lol.

    I eventually found one. Did I also mention that I’ve got the best parents(even though we quarrel steadily) that come through for me all the time!  

    I went to lekki Conservation center with Joan(the French guy).  You should visit too. Lovely experience. You can read about my experience here.

    JUNE

    Exam month. I’m tired of these exams, God knows even though my restless self won’t stop here. 

    6th

    I finally submitted my application for Stanford’s MBA fellowship program after procrastinating my essay and resume to forever. I had already submitted when I saw the fellowship was for people who are not financially stable. Lol. I was too sincere in my application but if I had seen that clause earlier, I wouldn’t have applied at all in the first instance. 

    Did I mention that this month is the brokest I’ve ever been?  I experienced brokelyn even though I’m still in Lagos. I’m too ashamed to even ask my folks for anything. Lol. Please, let me suffer in silence this time. 

    8th

    Remember my home girl -Tobi?  She came through for me today. She was my bunkmate in predegree and we were like cat and dog. She came back into my life at the right time I needed her. 😘 😘. 

    Sometime during the course of the month 

    Someone told me I was forming and act like I’m an innocent human. Lol. By the way, that’s like the second person telling me that within the space of 6 months. Lol. I’m not an angel. I’m as human as human can be and I’ve made some stupid wrong choices I’m not proud of-well, in my life’s context and that I wouldn’t want to share with anyone. Feel free to assume the bad choices 😂.  However, I would never be caught dead doing some things. So, that settles that. 

    Other days of the month 

    I almost lost my faith this month. I got tired of praying and asking God for some mountains to be moved. I lost at the final stages of two projects I’ve been working on for about a year now. At some point, when I attempted to pray, I didn’t even know what to ask for. Like –God, refer to all my past supplication. I still believe I’m God’s favorite because at any point I want to let go, He just shows up. 

    I also believe He makes everything beautiful at His own time. I’m grateful for life and my parents -I can never take them for granted. I have learnt that it’s okay not to achieve your dreams when you expect and not to beat yourself up about it. Just take life one step at a time. 

    I hope the remaining half of this year come with all the answers to all the questions/prayers raised in the half year. One, full of laughter, joy, hope, love and forever goodness. 

    Happy new month everyone. 

    Xoxo.